“Don’t Tell Me What To Do!”
“Don’t tell me what to do!”
Every single one of us would have uttered this sentence, or a variant of it, at least once, but more likely many times as a child. We make a decision to assert our independence at an early age, and that desire to be the master of our own domain follows us into adulthood. For some it is a mantra that practically rules their lives, and for others it is a more subtle determination, but we all hold onto it to some extent.
Be totally honest. How often have you not done something that your partner asked you to do simply out of stubbornness rather than having a genuine reason not to do it? How often could you say ‘yes!’ and do something straight away, but rather you put it off and then conveniently forget about it? And ask yourself truthfully, is it because you really didn’t want to do it, or is it because you silently resented being asked or told to do it? The truth is that often we make excuses for not doing something, but unconsciously what we are really doing is asserting our independence in the relationship and letting our partner know that we are not going to be pushed around like we were as a child.
We are all products of our childhood, usually much more than we realise. We have a myriad of unconscious programs running in the background that determine how we act and how we relate to our partner in our adult relationships. Nobody wants to be treated as a doormat and be walked all over, yet the reluctance to say ‘yes’ can often lead to a stalemate where each partner places their stake in the ground and keeps hammering that stake in until there’s no taking it back out again. It’s at this point that many relationships will run aground, and disillusionment and resentment sets in.
‘We are all products of our childhood, usually much more than we realise’
If, however, you say ‘yes’ (with a smile) as your standard response, then you can say no when you have a genuine reason not to do something. It’s not about being submissive, rather it’s about respecting the needs of your partner, and putting the health of your relationship ahead of your own agendas. And more often than not your partner will naturally reciprocate. When you say ‘yes’ to life’s requests you become more productive, more attractive, and intimacy will become more natural and fulfilling.
When you make the choice to say yes, you are being truly independent. It has nothing to do with your partner, but everything to do with how you approach your own life. You are taking control because you are consciously choosing to make your relationship your priority, and as a result you create a better life for both yourself and your partner.
So how about you begin right now? Become aware of when you say no because of a childhood program that you still have running today, and replace it with a yes because you know it is a building block towards the relationship that you really want and deserve.