Why Asking For Help Is Not A Failure
We all dream of the perfect relationship. The one in which we fall in love and live happily ever after. The reality? Usually considerably different. Why are happy relationships so hard to achieve?
The truth is we are not taught how to maintain a healthy relationship at school, and we often didn’t have great role models growing up. And even if we did, we still go into a relationship with someone who has different beliefs, values and views of the world than we do, and navigating that can be extremely tricky.
Divorce statistics can be difficult to accurately quantify, however a general consensus is that around half of all marriages will end before death do them part. Clearly this is not a good success rate. However these are only the figures for those couples who actually put pen to paper. What about those couples who choose not to sign a contract, or who split before their nuptials even eventuate?
Studies show that couples who do commit to marriage are more likely to stick together through the tough times than their de-facto counterparts. It seems that signing that piece of paper does in fact engender a greater level of commitment to the union than for those who choose not to.
Statistics on long term de-facto relationships are almost impossible to source, suffice to say though that if these figures were added to the divorce statistics then we would be looking at far greater than a 50% demise.
And then, what proportion of the couples that do stick together are truly happy? That is, both partners derive regular joy from the partnership and don’t question whether they perhaps might be better off without each other (or with someone else)? My guess is that would be a very small percentage, maybe as low as single figures.
‘Being proactive rather than reactive is the key to future-proofing your relationship’
Even the healthiest of relationships have their periods of disenchantment before getting things back on track. And you’d probably be surprised at how many of these reached out for help to make it happen. The idea of the perfect fairytale happy-ever-after relationship is really just a fanciful idea, and it is this unrealistic expectation that is at the core of many relationship conflicts.
People are usually very reluctant to admit that they sought help to get their relationship back on track. It can be seen by some as an admission of failure. But nothing can be further from the truth. Truly secure couples are comfortable with asking for assistance and admitting that they don’t know everything.
Being proactive rather than reactive is the key to future-proofing your relationship. Seeing the signs of trouble in advance, and putting in place a plan to circumvent these issues, is vital to maintaining the strength of your relationship into the future. Conversely, those who choose to ignore the signs and hope that things improve on their own accord are playing a dangerous game of Russian roulette with the future of their relationship
The best athletes in the world still have full time coaches to ensure they continue to improve in every area they possibly can. Why should you and your relationship be any different?
Matt Glover is a relationship expert with Happy and Healthy Relationships. Matt is available for online and face to face consultations. For more information, visit https://www.happyandhealthyrelationships.com/ or contact Matt on 0416 211 424, or email matt@happyandhealthyrelationships.com
