To Divorce or Not to Divorce…

Right now, as you read this, you may be considering why you should stay in your marriage. Perhaps you’ve been considering leaving for a while now? Or perhaps something has happened recently that has made you question the strength of your marriage? Honestly, if you haven’t questioned your marriage at some point then you are indeed in the rare minority!

A long term relationship is not easy, and there are many challenges that you have no doubt faced in the past, and will continue to face in the future. But before you take the leap out of the fire and into the great unknown, please take some time to consider the following facts:

  • Divorced parents aged 45-65 have 25% less assets than their married counterparts [1]
  • The average cost of divorce litigation in Australia is estimated at between $50,000 and   $100,000 [2]
  • Almost half of divorced families experience poverty following the divorce [3]
  • When parents get divorced it almost doubles the chances that their children will also get divorced [3]
  • Children whose parents are married tend to be more academically successful, more emotionally stable, and assume more leadership roles. They also do less drugs and commit fewer crimes [3]
  • Married people are less likely to get sick, have surgery, develop cancer, or have heart attacks
  • Married couples have more sex and a better quality of sex than single, divorced, or cohabitating individuals (yes, it’s true!) [3]

A stressful marriage has been shown to have as many harmful effects on the heart as a regular smoking habit. But on the other hand, a strong, healthy relationship has been shown to boost your immune system, increase your wealth, and create a strong model for your children to follow. In fact, children want nothing more than to see their parents happy together. The greatest gift you can give them is to work on your relationship.

You may think that there is no hope for improvement in your marriage. But the truth is it is simply the patterns of behaviour that you get stuck in that are causing your issues, not your partner. Changing these patterns are the key to turning things around, and if you are willing to look honestly at your role in the problems, and work at creating a more constructive pattern, then absolutely anything is possible.

It’s very easy to think that there might be someone better out there for you. But remember this; though most of us are aware that the divorce rate is around 50%, what is less well known is that the divorce rate for second marriages is close to 70%, and third marriages is almost 80%. So wouldn’t it be better to fix your current marriage rather than hoping for someone else to fix you?

Unless you are in an abusive relationship, the answer is not to run away, but to work with your partner to remove the negative patterns of the past, and create new empowering patterns that will benefit you both as a couple and as individuals. This absolutely can be achieved – all you need is a willingness to learn and to let go of blame. On your own, however, this can be difficult, so utilising a relationship coach to help you clarify the patterns you are in and create a new empowered future can be hugely beneficial. The results may just blow your mind!

Matt Glover is a relationship expert with Happy And Healthy Relationships. If you would like to learn how to improve or ignite your relationship, book a free consultation here: or contact Matt on 0416 211 424, or email

[3] Making Marriage Simple – Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD

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