Are You Settling For Less Than Amazing?
Is aiming for an amazing relationship a realistic goal? Or is it setting a standard too high to reach so that the only possible outcome is disappointment? These are reasonable questions. My belief is that every couple should be absolutely invested in achieving and maintaining an amazing relationship, and it is attainable for everyone if you really want it.
But first, we need to understand what an amazing relationship is. I’m not saying that every moment of your relationship should be filled with joy. That, of course, is not possible. Even the best and healthiest relationships have their disagreements, their dramas, and their disappointments. But in a great relationship these are simply bumps in the road which, whilst frustrating at the time, don’t impact on the strength of the relationship.
An amazing relationship is, in my opinion, one in which both partners support each other regardless of what is happening in your life. You enjoy the highs together, and you battle through the lows together, always knowing that you have each other’s backs. You always feel supported, and know that your conflicts are not a threat to your relationship.
The thing is it’s not your differences, or the inevitable conflict, that derail your relationship. It’s the way that you handle them that makes the difference. It’s about having the feeling that, no matter what happens, you are both working together to create the best possible outcome. Knowing that amongst all the benefits of a great relationship, there are inevitable sacrifices that you need to make. And you are okay with that, because you know that every sacrifice, every compromise, is assisting you to grow your bond.
I’d like you to ask yourself a question;
‘Is my relationship the joyous, fulfilling union that I would like it to be?’
And now give yourself an honest answer. Is it an emphatic ‘yes’? Is it a ‘not really’? Or is it a ‘definitely not’? If it is anything other than an emphatic ‘yes’ then perhaps it is time to take a closer look at what your relationship needs to give both you and your partner the fulfilment you deserve.
Below are 5 things you can do to start the process of moving your relationship towards the amazing union it should, and can be;
1. Begin focusing on all the positives of the relationship and your partner. Too easily we get consumed with the negatives and lose sight of the good things. They are there, though you may just have to dig a bit to find them underneath all the negativity that has built up over the years. Once you bring the good things to the fore of your mind, you will likely see more of them come into your life.
2. Replace the ‘me’ with ‘we’. Are you actively instigating ways to continuously improve your relationship, or are you more concerned about your own needs not being met? Once you start looking at the needs of the relationship, rather than the needs of two individuals, then you give your relationship the opportunity to grow.
3. Do something different. If things aren’t as they should be in your relationship, try mixing things up a bit. If you keep doing things the same and expect your relationship to improve then you’re bound for disappointment. Try changing your communication style, or the way you touch your partner, or do a new activity together.
4. Ask your partner ‘what does an amazing relationship look like to you?’ It sounds so simple and obvious, but often we don’t know what our partner really wants from the relationship. Sometimes we don’t even know what we want ourselves from the relationship, though we are pretty clear on what we don’t want! Just asking this question can open up a conversation that can begin the transformation process.
5. Set aside ‘relationship time’. Your relationship needs to be a priority. If you have kids then even more so it needs to be a priority. Your kids need to see what a healthy relationship looks like, and you are their mentors. Setting aside regular quality time to spend with each other is vital to maintaining and growing your relationship, and your kids will love you for it!
Aim high and you might just achieve that amazing relationship. But accept less and you will continue to get less than you deserve. What do you choose?